Is being SINGLE, being AVAILABLE too???

He almost screams over the call, "just say it, Damn it! Just say it.. Yes or no?" 
She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and thinks briefly and she says, "NO"!" 
He begs her pardon, "what? What did uh say?" 
She takes a deeper breath this time, and says, "no.. This might hurt you for a little while, but yes,i say no.." 
He goes silent for a couple of seconds and says, "OK then. Goodbye!" 
She half smiles, and murmurs "goodbye".

*click*

She disconnected the call, and a tear rolled down her cold cheek.

"someday you while realize why I did this. Hate me or curse me now, but I did for the betterment of the both of us. If the destiny wants, we will cross our paths again... Till then, goodbye."

She goes online on whatsapp and as expected, her bestie is online, and she starts a conversation with her :)

She: I said NO.

Instantly, her reply comes, 
her : I KNOW

she : I did the right thing, nah?

Her: Yes.
she : I can't be with someone like him, I guess
Her: I agree , Sometimes he behaves like mado
her : whats wrong wth u, But ??
she: Nothing is wrong, I just want to be away from people who give me pain n stress !! and a relationship!! not on my cards right now!!
her: Ok! But why u guys always cm on last with relationship?? I don't understand
She: Not me!! Him 
Her: I know him
She: I always try to make him understand!!
Her: Hmm I know how is he. That's the reason I said no, Fr u
She: I was hoping uh say NO
Her: Lol bitch, U know me Still u were hoping
She: Yes Because thought, you might say, he is the  right one for me
Her: No ways
She: I told him, I don't need any man to take care of me.. I m fine.. N strong enough.
Her:  Hmm good to say but hard to do, But still i m happy fr u… He can't understand u the way you are
She: Yea!!

She goes offline, opens the lid of her laptop and clicks on the link of her blog, and she remembers him saying,

"I read your blogs, and the recent one - the valentine's day one, I liked it very well. It seemed like an article."

She checks the titles and wonders, "does he really read them?  And did I really improved my writing?"

She smiles & confidence beaming from within her. Yes she had indeed improved, she had come some way from her 1st blog post and the 1st story she had submitted to him!

Him - Nilesh, the guy she met on facebook, who Was a new author then, and had messaged her to buy his book and give a review on her blog.

They had started talking from then, and instantly it had clicked between them. He had later told her about this new competition on a Woman Anthology where he forced her to give her entry.

She, then was not a writer and had never thought of writing as a serious thing.

She had said yes to submit her entry but everyday she dodged the topic whether on call or chat.

Finally 2 days before the deadline he made her write and she had managed to write about her mom, because she never liked sad or alike stories, she thought of the 'struggle of her mom', that would be a breeze of inspiration and a change for the readers. 'only if it gets selected', she thought. 

She wrote and wrote for some hours, and submitted it on his personal email id. She waited for him to finish Reading and tell her if she wrote fine.

Once he finished reading, he called her up immediately and said, "is this real?"

She muttered, "yes,all of it!"

"whoa! That's something now. But you know the concept is really good, but the way it is written, it should had been in a better way" he says.

She felt hurt and defeated that she couldn't make it. She had written it only for HIM! because he gave her positivism and confidence that she can write and after all the efforts that she put in, he said this?

He said her not to worry and that he will help her to edit it.

They spent some hours cutting, editing, and correcting the grammatical errors and stuff..

Some days passed off and she receives his cal.  It was around 7.30 or 7.45 pm she remembers, as he was in his native place and he only called her wen he was out. She quickly received his call and he in his ever excited tone says, "there's a good news for uh, guess what?"

She thought his story got selected, since even he had submitted his work for the same Anthology.

She whispers, "yes tell me." 
He beams, "my story is selected. whoopee!!"

She smiles and is genuinely happy for him, "wow, congratulations!! Party  time..."

He  cuts her mid- sentence and says,"your story..." Nd takes a pause.. That makes her stand still and listen to him carefully, and he continued,  ".... Your story, even that is selected!"

She couldn't believe her ears. She asks him to beg his pardon. And he repeats and congratulates her.

She thanks him and runs inside the house and tells this best news she had ever received, to her mom. Her mom too, was very happy to see her princess happy. She hugs her and congratulates her, as well.

And She goes back to her call with Him, he then explains her the editorial committee liked her concept but it requires a bit of finishing touch. And that she should submit her 'author's bio, and a nice photo of hers'  to him as soon as possible!!

That was the happiest day for her in recent times.

Back to reality, she sits down there thinking of all those wonderful moments a year ago. 

*Beautiful days!!!*

She remembers how he had confessed his love for her and how much he wanted to make her his and give her all the happiness in the world, how for him her dreams mattered the most, he promised her to take her to the world's every place she wanted to visit and Complete her dream -  travelling the globe and writing about it, how he would sing for her and his voice - the one thing that made her talk to him more and more...

Things didn't really yo smoother as time passed. She was just out of a breakup of a long term relationship and she hoped for that guy to come back, eventually she would talk about this ex of hers with him and hurt him. But he loved her so much that he was always supportive and was always around her, wen she needed -  a ear to listen, a shoulder to lean and cry, a smile wen she had lost hers and a secret keeper.

They would talk whole day, from dusk to dawn... Whole day, and yes!! Whole night too.. Either on calls, or whatsapp.. They were so addicted to each other by then.

One night, she couldn't hold back her emotions, and confides in him
"I love you" and kisses him over the call..

He was all too delighted and returned more kisses and sang for her.

But that, that made a big change in her suddenly.

She felt guilty of expressing herself, for she loved the other guy -  her ex, for this guy was from a caste her parents will never agree for.

She realized, that there was no 'future'.. They hadn't even met, and he always talked about sex and lust..

It is rightly said, a small seed of doubt or distrust in a woman's heart can cause a damage one can't even imagine.

And a  small seed was planted in her heart and from that day all she talked was about her ex and their love and of them being soul mates.

He would get pissed off and irritated and that would lead to a fight.

Day after day, the fights increased, the intensity deepened, the love had vanished. The once talkative people had started keeping the calls short, ignoring rather avoiding the conflicts!

Months after he calls her, she was now a working girl. Busy with her life and now strong headed.

She was about to call it off for that day when she saw her cellphone ringing, and was astonished to see the caller's name.

*HIM*

There were mixed feelings, she remembered the last time they had parted ways... It was pretty bad.. And they always fought at the end of any given phone call..

She was scared to have a fight with him again, and she was joyous to see that he, like every other time called her first.

She finished her work and while walking back, she called him; listening to his voice after what seemed like an eternity, like a small child she was happy -  there was definitely some 'chemistry' in between them that always made them long for each other!!

He would tell this, she Never!!!

She thought of skipping the rest of her evening's work and took a seat on the bus stop. His voice was soothing, like the first rain showers on the heated ground.
After taking for a while, she started crying. Crying because she missed him, missed him like hell.. Yet she never had tried to contact him, because she feared of the fights that followed, the fights that made her loose him a bit more, after every fight..

He wanted a relationship, while she,  she wanted him only as a friend and one who would encourage her in pursuing her dream and write. Not a commitment or something just him in her life.. He was always there whenever she needed him. And even that day, it was like she needed to talk to someone, who would 'listen to her' and he had called her.

She was not scared of being with 'only 1' rather she was scared of the after  effects of being in relationship, especially the long distance one's! And he always talked about 'sex' -  the topic she was dreaded the most, because of some dark memories of her childhood. She couldn't trust any man. Not even that guy with whom she was in a 'so-called serious' relationship.

A couple of days went well, as she had matured a bit.

Days passed and he started bring the same topic -  marry me, be with me - again and again.

She was just not ready to b in any commitment, she wanted to b like a free soul - Travel world, write about it, and settle away from all the people she knew.

Commitment scared her, now.

They ended up again on a very bad note.

She thought its the final over between them. She never contacted him - as usual, and he too didn't contact.

*Months passed by...*

And then, unexpectedly at 1.35 am, she saw his name on the caller screen.. 
She missed his first 2 calls,  same shiver ran down her spine.. "To talk or to ignore ?", she thought.

She tossed the idea of talking to him in the bin, and again 3rd time he called her.

She thought to herself, "lets talk, if I call him tomorrow and reason him of me being asleep, and he catches the lie, again we will fight... Ugh!"

Before she could receive, the call got disconnected.

She gives him a call back!

Hearing his voice after long, gave her jitters and butterflies in her tummy.

They talked for some minutes and she feels like home. It is like meeting an old friend, you feel things have changed but instead they are just like they have been, always.

He tells her he reads her blog,she jumps with excitement, one for she was not expecting this and two she wanted to know if she has improvised in her writing..

"yes, yes, I do read it, and the recent post -  it was damn good like a perfect article."

She blushes, and says "thank uh,yea many told me it was good."

"that post named 'silent love', for whom have you written? " he asks.

She, unable to remember, she goes and checks the post, and says, "it's for a guy whom I like."

"huh?  you are so mean, you know that? You write about everyone, never about me.. You don't miss me right? " he says playfully.

She goes silent and thinks to herself," I write whenever anything comes straight from my heart. The Day I get that feeling  for you, I will! Definitely "

They talk for some more minutes and all the while, he has already proposed her 3 times. And each time she dodged it.

At around 4 am, he says "sujata is your best friend right, let's ask her; what she feels about us."

Sujata instantly says "No"  when asked. She says, "I don't want my friend to be sad ever again and let her be what she wants to be, don't force her. She has made herself strong enough and now don't uh dare break her down. Good night!"

*click* and she goes off the con call.

He almost screams over the call, "just say it, Damn it! Just it.. Yes or no?" 

She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and thinks briefly before she says, "NO"!" 
He begs her pardon, "what? What did uh say?" 
She takes a deeper breath this time, and says, "no.. This might hurt you for a little while, but yes,i say no.." 
He goes silent for a couple of seconds and says, "OK then. Goodbye!" 
She half smiles, and murmurs, "goodbye".

------XOXO------