My Second Hand Jawani

As tacky and dumb the title may seem, but there's so much to ponder, about this. I've always been around with people who are looking for their "one true love" or haven't ever dated. As weird as it may sound, I find that it's beautiful. That every other person doesn't want to jump into someone else's pants just because "society" asks them to.But there always has been differences in opinion. A person like me, who has dated once and had a not so happy ending kind of a story, those opinions on love have changed.

In a country like India where bollywood, people, surroundings build a picture of that perfect soul mate, it's really not that hard to wish for the same. And it's not wrong.

Yet, I beg to differ. And I may be wrong and they be right to see the better version of life, because once I had done that too and ended in the biggest mess of my life.

They say, you need to wait, you'll find him. You'll know it when it happens, you'll know.  There was a time when I believed in it too and I accepted it, and I thought I had found my match after two years of not confessing my feelings to one of my closest friend.

But my second hand jawani taught me that I was wrong. What's this feeling that you're supposed to get? Music in the background, flowers falling on me? What?

I so wish that there was a sign. There was never a sign. He was my best friend, for crying out loud. Even when we dated, atleast I didn't realise that it won't last until it was too late and I was far from reality. Now we hate each other.

And as much as you may think that there'll be a sign. There never will be. You know why? Because if there's sign for love then why aren't there signs for other things? Like career? Right decisions? We've all made wrong decisions when our gut feeling didn't even object, ever. Wrong choice of friends, wrong choice of going out on a particular day. Why didn't I have a feeling then?

As hard as it is to come out of fantasy and face reality, the easier it is to understand that there may or may not be a true love. But if you can love someone, and love them with all your heart and the feeling is mutual, that's true love. It's a leap of faith that you need to take. And I'm glad I did, though I was so wrong.

I'm glad I fell in love. I'm glad that I am a 'second hand jawani' because you may think I didn't think twice but I believed in true love because I can love someone like that,  in the true love, soul mate way. I don't know if I'll ever find a match and I don't want a soul mate, I don't want to wait. Because I'll always take that leap of faith when my guts will have no answer for me.

I can be the same person again. Because I know, I have faith in love even after people proved me wrong. It's my faith, my love that I can give to someone that makes me believe that love like that exists. Whether it's for me or not is a choice left best to destiny.

Not some bloody gut feeling, but my leap of faith. Life may disappoint me and I may never find HIM. But I'll still be glad because I took a leap of faith, not that I believed in my gut feeling.

I won't deny, some people are very lucky that they found their perfect one in the first go. That happens because they weren't waiting for their true love, it's just that they came together, compromised, loved each other in their purest of purest forms, usually high school love birds. But that's luck, like winning a lottery or having a successful career, it's a matter of chances. 

They may play for you, against you. But all you need to do is take a leap of faith and believe.