Winters In My Heart

It was one of those warm, pleasant summer nights. The air was filled with a certain aura of calmness, almost battling with our hearts, and the cold that was seeping within.

There were hugs and tears, laughter, photographs. It was as if there was no tomorrow, and that night was the only night, to capture each moment, each tear, each memory for a lifetime because there wasn't going to be another. 

Tears welled up in my eyes as well, it felt like a part of me was leaving me, and piece by piece, even I was breaking apart. These faces, these smiles, it was time to say goodbye. My eyes searched, searched for that someone who I was going to miss the most. 

He was hard to find, always amongst people, always a bit hard to reach. But his presence brought with him, comfort and warmth and safety. My eyes searched.

And there he was. 

Tears rolled down my eyes like raindrops falling relentlessly from the sky, so sad to realise that this moment won't come back again. But more so the fact that I, was unable to hold on to it. My incapacitated soul yearned for time to stand still. It couldn't.

I ran and hugged him, real tight. So tight that it was hard for me to breathe as well. I didn't want to let go. But I had to, eventually. And in that moment of isolation and silence, we gazed at the stars.

The stars were moving, fast, as if caught in a storm, a storm between the galaxies. It was surreal but nonetheless, beautiful. 

With much trepidation, I asked, "Will we ever meet again?" 

He looked at me, with those concerned and caring eyes, and answered, "Yes, of course. I'll pick you up from your house, once in a while." 

"No, that'll be too far for you. We'll figure some other place, easier to be."

He wrapped his hand around my neck, held me close and said coyly, " It'll be a table for two." I laughed, pushed him away and politely asked him to fuck off.

And as if none of it was true, the dream ended. And like all those moments, when reality sinks in, emptiness took its place for the warm night and the lost friendships.

In that shattering instance when a part of me broke again, I realized that my sub conscience knew what I had feared, goodbyes are an inevitable part of our lives. And that life is difficult and we need to live with the knowledge that nothing lasts forever. Good memories become a reminiscent of a happy past that can't be re-lived. Which is sadder than the memory of it, itself.

Nothing is left except the memories. Not the people, nor the warmth but only memories to burn through the winters in my heart.